Core Needs

I believe almost all of us experienced trauma during our childhoods. By that I mean almost all of us experienced punishment and shame as part of the discipline our parents used. That is just a part of our culture. Most parenting advice today still involves teaching parents how to control their children(which in itself is violent) by using punishment or rewards. There really isn’t a difference between the two (that’s another post). Either one is supporting your child’s disconnect from their own needs.

When we experienced this disconnect as children we quickly developed strategies to get the needs met. More than likely this need was safety, whether emotional or physical. We developed strategies such as confrontation, avoidance, pleasing or “shutting down” in response to our feelings of anger, anxiety or fear. Now as adults, when we experience some of those same emotions we “short-cut” directly and unconsciously to those strategies we developed as a child. We avoid talking to the person who stimulates those emotions, or we try our best to “please” that person, or we “yell” at them.

If you find yourself having these kinds of reactions to people, and then wondering why you did that; realizing that your reaction may have seemed out of proportion to the situation; feeling regret about what happened; it’s possible you experienced a “short-cut” to a childhood experience unconsciously. This could also be considered a “reactive trance”.

When you are experiencing these emotions and strategies, see if you can remind yourself that you are in a trance. That this may be related to something very powerful from your childhood. When you are calmer, take a few moments to explore the emotions and try to determine you need/s. With practice you will probably find an emerging theme. A particular need or two that had become so core for you that you will react almost and immediately with strong emotions. Once you have identified this you can start to become conscious of this and begin the life-long process of unwinding this thread. You can reset this over time.

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